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Joshua would go to hell and back for Cain’s sake.
Literally.
Heavy and hard is the heart of the king / King of iron, king of steel
The heart of the king loves everything / Like the hammer loves the nail
But the heart of a man is a simple one / Small and soft, flesh and blood
—Epic II, Hadestown (a folk opera)
Joshua takes a moment to steel himself at the gate to hell.
“This is far as I can bring you,” says the young woman who has guided him thus far, her dark hair, red eyes, and pale skin too reminiscent of someone Joshua despises. She gestures at the cave entrance with a knowing smile, and Joshua knows then for certain that she is not human, not when she has all the air of a smug courier bringing him to what she believes is his end.
But he has steeled himself, tempered the fear and uncertainty that threatened to consume his heart, so Joshua cannot bring himself to care for her arrogance.
“You need not wait here, Miss Alice,” he says, as he strides toward the cave.
He hears her start to reply, but the world turns dark and silent as soon as he crosses the threshold.
Joshua remembers still the childhood he spent sitting at his mother’s side while she cradled his brother in her arms, as she whispered to them stories and myths on the mystical hearts they had inherited, the powers that had reigned throughout their family’s history and that he, too, could rely upon however he wishes. Those same stories had called this place the Heart of the World, the abyss where he and his kind will eventually dwell in their deaths.
His eyes adjust to the darkness as he walks.
The first gatekeeper appears within that darkness, a figure he can barely pick out of the shadows striding along at his side. He recognizes the silhouette with a jolt.
Abel smiles up at him. “Why have you come to the Heart of the World, big brother?”
This is wrong, so very wrong, but Joshua inhales the cold still air and reminds himself that Abel is at home with his parents. His brother is safe where he should be, and this is only a trick.
“I am here to collect Master Cain.”
Abel glides along beside him, expression unchanging. “But why have you come here? What if he’s not here?”
“Master Cain is here, I am sure of it,” he replies. He does not know what this specter wants him to say, so he can only answer with the truth. “The stories say this is where all of us blessed with powers come after our deaths, and Master Cain was, without a doubt, a powerful goldheart. He can only be here.”
Abel stops moving, prompting Joshua to stop as well.
“Hmph.” The specter pouts, but a moment later he nods. “Then, may you venture forth safely…watch your step.”
The darkness recedes ever so slightly, enough for Joshua to look down and realize he is standing on a thin ledge, just wide enough to accommodate him. On either side are long, long drops down natural cliff faces to rocky deaths.
When Joshua looks around, he discovers he is alone.
He breathes in, steels himself, and keeps walking forward.
When he reaches the next cavern, the wind begins to howl. He has to reach for the rock face that abruptly appears to his left to steady himself. Joshua clings to the wall as the wind passes him, screaming as it squeezed through unseen openings in the walls.
When it pauses, Joshua runs.
It is thankfully not as dark in this room, though Joshua does not stop to think on where the light is coming from. He darts forward along the path and does not stop to think, does not dare look around, even as the path begins to widen and spread into more stable ground.
When he hears the howling return, Joshua does not hesitate. He leaps forward as far as he can manage. He lands and grabs hold of the wall just in time for the wind to start rushing through again.
When he stands up tall again, he is no longer alone.
The second gatekeeper stands there, wearing Gray’s face, brow furrowed. The sight of him makes Joshua sick to the stomach, but he fights the disgust and anger that threatens him. Gray only did as he, Joshua, asked. It is not Gray’s fault, he reminds himself. It is not Gray’s fault that Cain is dead.
But Joshua gazes upon this mirage, and, even through his hardened heart, he can only think of that moment in the airship when Gray’s lance pierced Cain’s dark armor.
“Joshua…my enemy and friend.” Gray greets him with a familiar, intense stare. “Why have you come to the Heart of the World?”
“I am here to collect Master Cain,” he replies dutifully.
Gray’s expression turns dark. “Why, when he was not kind?”
Joshua does not quite have an answer for that. He gazes back at Gray, thinking on it. It’s true, after all, Cain was not kind in the end. He might have been once, he might have been kind if not for what he became in the end, but that doesn’t change anything.
“Because Master Cain was many things,” he replies after a long moment, long enough for a distant wind to begin its howls once more. “He was not kind anymore, but he was clever and cunning. He was ambitious. Master Cain was not kind because his father was not kind, but he had great dreams, great plans, and given the opportunity, he might have done greater and kinder things.”
Gray regards him with a cool gaze. “And you, Joshua? Did you think of those great dreams and great plans as your own, too?”
“I—Joshua finds himself given pause once more, but it does not take him long to search himself and find an answer this time. It is, after all, an answer he has already said once before, to this same face staring him down now. “I have always believed in Master Cain. Whether he was doing good or evil, I followed him. I dreamt for him, bled for his ambitions…I gave up my heart to follow him, for he was everything to me.”
The specter steps closer, eyes narrowed. He raises a hand and points at Joshua’s chest. “And now? What has become of the heart that beats in your chest, now that you have lost everything?”
Joshua closes his eyes, touches a hand to his chest. He has done what is only natural to him so many times. His heart beats, but he feels little of what it wants to feel. “My heart is still lost.”
Silence stretches between them, immeasurable and infinitesimal all at once. Joshua holds still as it continues, long enough that he feels the slightest twinge of fear touch him.
The winds come. They rush through the cavern, as strong as before, howling and jeering and rolling over itself. The specter with Gray’s face nods, and the wind lifts Joshua clean off his feet.
“Then, may you find your heart again,” says the specter as Joshua hovers there, then the wind shreds it to nothing—or perhaps it merely rejoined its brothers in the air.
Joshua doesn’t struggle as the wind carries him away.
The wind sets him down in another cavern, allowing him to alight gently. It speeds away once he is on his feet, its laughter ringing in his ears.
Then it is silent.
He has arrived at the entrance of a dark tunnel. It beckons to him, daring him to step forward and walk into the unknown.
Well, he has come this far, so Joshua does not hesitate.
A faint light from nowhere dimly illuminates the tunnel, just barely allowing him to see the walls and floor, that he might follow the path as it twists and turns. The only noise is his footsteps.
He doesn’t know how long it takes, but eventually, the path opens up. Light floods his vision as he steps over the threshold, and when he blinks, when his eyes clear and adjust to the brighter light, his heart beats faster as he recognizes the room he has come into.
It is the grand hall at Ruth manor.
Joshua’s breath catches in his throat. The room is almost identical; great pillars line the way, large windows set on either side of the room illuminate it in its entirety, and dark green carpet covers the floor along the middle of the room.
And following the line of carpet, Joshua’s gaze falls upon the center of the room, where a throne crafted from gold and steel rests, and sitting upon that throne—
Alexander Ruth rises to his feet.
“Joshua, my son’s butler and companion.” Master Ruth’s voice rumbles through the air, but Joshua is sure that it courses through the ground as well. “Why have you come to the Heart of the World?”
And, just as before, Joshua answers, “I am here to collect Master Cain.”
“You are here for Cain alone?”
“Yes.”
“What of all the others who dwell here, then?” demands the specter. It gestures to the windows, drawing Joshua’s gaze to them, and it is only then that he realizes they are not windows at all. Instead, what had been windows in reality were shelves carrying row upon row of something blindingly bright.
Joshua steps toward them, but as he nears, he realizes with a jolt that the shining objects are pulsing, brightly colored hearts.
With this knowledge, Joshua cannot help but gaze out upon the false windows. Awe wells up within him, a feeling he does not fight as he turns to take in the reality set before him. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of souls had come to rest here, and each one of them had been gifted—or cursed, some might have believed—like him. How many of them, he can’t help but wonder, had been goldhearts like Cain or windhearts like Gray?”
Master Ruth’s voice cuts through the moment. “Why do you believe my son alone deserves a second chance?”
Joshua turns back to him, now wondering if this is his final test. He can sense an impatience emanating off the specter, so he knows he cannot take long to answer, not as he did with the specter of Gray.
“Because I do not love any other,” he says, “I am here for Cain alone.”
“Tsk.” Master Ruth’s gaze skewers him. “But would a good man not choose to save all they can? Would a good man not wish for all these trapped souls to be free?”
“I have never been a good man,” replies Joshua immediately, and he takes some satisfaction in the way the specter’s brow rises in surprise. “Mine is a selfish quest, because I am here for one soul and one alone, and it must be that of Master Cain’s.”
“Acknowledging the selfishness of your desire is acceptable.” Master Ruth has always been tall, but this specter of him looms over Joshua with such terrible ease. He sneers down at him. “But do you think that makes it right to loose Cain McDonnell Ruth upon the world once more?”
“Yes.”
The specter stares at him expectantly.
“I am proof that it is right,” declares Joshua, “For I am proof of the fact that even one soul—that my soul—loves Master Cain to the extent of coming here to bring him back. It may be that Master Cain is not good for the world, that Master Cain is not needed anymore, but…that does not mean he is unworthy of a second chance.”
Once more, a silence, but this one does not last too long. Master Ruth laughs.
“Then, may your love be strong enough.”
And the specter walks away.
Joshua watches him go, sensing both apprehension and relief at the edge of his heart. Unlike the first two specters, Alexander Ruth was long dead. He, too, had been a goldheart like his son, so Joshua cannot quite discount the possibility that he has just faced down the true ghost of Cain’s father.
He shudders.
“Well done.” A new voice breaks through his thoughts, drawing his attention to the throne once more.
Someone else is sitting on it. Someone in a long, flowing hooded cloak the color of a black darker than any Joshua has seen before, darker than even Shadowfend’s magic. The stranger’s face is a mask of white, eyes and mouth as black as their cloak. They shift in their seat, moving with an unnatural grace that Joshua both admires and finds unnerving. He can easily sense this is not a specter, not like the three gatekeepers before.
“Who are you?” Joshua finds his voice as quick as he can. This is not the time to falter.
“I have many names, but you may call me the Mage. I am the overseer of the Heart of the World,” they reply, mask splitting into a terrible smile. “You’ve done well, Dracorum! Though few are the hearts who would venture here, you’ve done better than any before you, for even less are the hearts able to reflect upon themselves as you have done.”
No such being exists in the stories, but Joshua supposes it makes sense. Someone must be here, after all, to ensure the cycle of souls runs smoothly. He can only assume that it is not unlike his own role as Cain’s butler.
“Mage…” Joshua nods. “I see. Was it enough, then? May I see Master Cain now?”
“No,” replies the Mage. “I may have offered you praise, but do not mistake me. Is it not true, that the only reason you have come so far is your steelheart? Is it not true that you are cheating?”
Joshua starts to protest, but the Mage does not give him a chance to. They bounce out of the throne, dashing toward Joshua with inhuman speed. White gloved hands grab onto him as power emanates off them, rooting Joshua to his spot.
“Let us see, Dracorum, what you are without your steelheart. Let us unharden the hardest of hearts.” Mage touches a hand to his chest, and, all at once, pain explodes through him.
Joshua cries out as his vision darkens, knees buckling, and the Mage lets him fall. He crumples as something rips from him, something important.
But the pain fades quickly, and when it is gone…
Everything he has not felt for the past six months floods into him. His body shakes and shudders as sorrow flows and burns freely from his eyes, his chest tightens as loneliness snakes around him. Fear tears from his lips as he turns his head skyward, and he rages it all away.
When he is done, he is left with heaving breaths as he slumps to the ground.
“So this is the man without his heart,” says the Mage, and when Joshua looks up, they are holding out to him a shining silver heart. “Is it truly love that drives you, Dracorum?”
It is difficult to move, but, weakly, Joshua touches a hand to his chest. For six months, since the end of the Shadow Alliance, he has been alone. For five, he has traveled the world, searching for this place, and he has done it all with his heart unmoving. More than ever, he has relied on the skill unique to him, the infinitely rare ability to turn his steel-affecting powers inward.
And with that taken from him now, with everything he has fought against feeling torn from him, he finds that he is left with one thing.
“Yes,” he breathes. “All I have is my love for Cain.”
The Mage gazes down at him, and he feels very, very small.
“As expected of one born a steelheart,” says the Mage, “You are the stubborn sort. But is that enough?”
“I wish to see him, please.”
“Very well.” The Mage waves a hand. Five hearts, bright golden in color, shimmer into the air before Joshua. He looks over at the Mage inquisitively. “Surely you can identify which of them is Allocrown?”
Joshua inhales, deeply. The cold air fills his lungs, rushes through him, and clears his mind. He gazes at the hearts and swiftly discovers that, with his powers removed, their illumination is invisible to him. He looks around at the shelves of hearts to find those, too, have darkened in his eyes save for the hearts themselves, which appear now only as starlike pinpricks. Only one of the hearts on a distant shelf shines still, but it is a strange light, a blackened glow that seems to devour instead the light around it.
The Mage follows his gaze and giggles. “No, not that one. Hades is waiting for its vessel to arrive.”
Joshua’s attention snaps back to the goldhearts. Only now does the reality of what the Mage has just done sinks in. Joshua has experienced the presence of Blockers before, those strange rare few capable of preventing others from using the powers that emerge from their hearts, but this is something else entirely.
He reaches into himself, to the place where his steel springs forth and finds an empty expanse instead.
He looks up sharply at the Mage.
The smile on their mask only widens. “Take your time.”
Panic wells up. Joshua inhales, exhales. He is in the presence of someone, or something, unfathomable—a creature so much more powerful than him that it can simply pluck out his powers without killing him.
And it is testing him at a level far beyond what he expected to find at the bottom of the Heart of the World.
How is he to identify his Master’s heart without his own? Joshua stares at the row of goldhearts, trying very hard to sense anything at all from them. He grits his teeth, balls his fists. He paces before them, breathing deeply to try and curb the frustration and exhaustion. He has not felt like this in so, so long.
But…it is not his steelheart on trial, is it? His gaze flickers to the Mage, who leans forward in interest, then back to the goldhearts.
His love for Cain is not something he can manipulate and control like steel, but it is a power in its own right, he knows this. Shakily, he reaches and touches each heart in turn. None of them respond to him, and he isn’t sure he expected any of them to, nor do any of them feel different from each other.
Joshua pauses.
“None of these are Master Cain.” He turns to the Mage, frowning. “Please…”
“Tsk, I was so certain you would not realize.” Magus snaps their fingers, sending the hearts flying away to the shelves. “Here.”
A single goldheart appears before him, and this time, it shines so brightly to his eyes that Joshua knows it is Cain.
He reaches out to take it, but the Mage is faster, swiping it out of the air. They stand there, a steelheart and a goldheart each in one hand.
“One final trial, Dracorum.”
Joshua gazes into the dark tunnel before him. It is the path he came through to reach the final room and cavern, and it is also his path out. He cups before him, as tenderly as he can with both hands, Master Cain’s heart.
“You may leave when you are ready,” calls out the Mage from their throne.
Joshua takes but another moment, another moment to calm himself. The task before him is daunting enough, but to do it without his ability—
He must be strong, as strong as his love. He must believe, without a moment’s hesitation, that the heart in his hands is Master Cain, and he must not stop moving forward.
Joshua walks forward, and he’s immediately plunged into darkness.
The heart is his only light this time. It shines a brilliant, unbelievable gold. Joshua lets his gaze flicker between it and the path as he walks, his steps even and steady as he follows the tunnel once again.
With his emotions free to run amok, he finds himself anxiously thinking of what he might say to Cain when they reunite. Six months. He has had six months of fighting his own heart to decide on this moment, but what is there he can even say? He supposes Cain would wish to know the condition of his estate. Would he be pleased that Joshua has kept everything intact, had even recruited Abel to help manage it when he went off to find the Heart of the World?
Or would he not care about that? Would he care instead about what Joshua has done for him? About the long search, the long days and nights of wandering, of chasing rumors and stories? Would Cain care that Marilyn, his occasional lover, was a witch? That Marilyn had been the one to send him to Miss Alice?
Would he care that Joshua loved him?
Joshua looks down at the heart and has to consider if it is his eyes playing tricks that its glow seems just the slightest dimmer. Joshua does not stop, but the sight worries him, more so as the glow fades further. What did it mean, that even this heart would slowly grow dark?
Perhaps it is only because he is taking it away from the deepest room, he tells himself.
His pace slows as the light fades, but only because he must be careful.
Joshua walks, and walks, and walks.
And he wonders, thinks, and ponders.
Starts to doubt.
It comes in, doubt slipping through the cracks of his empty heart, and whispering to him what could only be lies. Who is he to believe he could walk into hell and demand his master’s life back? Who is he to believe that the Mage, a being beyond his imagination, would simply let him go like this?
Who is he to assume his love could be greater than anything else?
Joshua’s stride shortens as the light fades. All he can see is where his next step lands.
What is he doing?
Whose heart does he carry?
He…
He is being a fool.
Joshua blinks, and his vision clears. The heart shines as brightly as it did when he entered the tunnel, or perhaps it had never changed at all. Perhaps his thinking blinded him.
He gazes into the heart’s light as he proceeds at his initial pace again. He does not know if it is true that the heart is Master Cain’s. He does not know if this is all but a trick. He does not know if this tunnel will truly lead him to the surface. There are many things he does not and cannot know for sure.
But he can believe. He can trust. If not in what his senses perceive, hindered as they are by the loss of his abilities, then in the love that has carried him this far.
He draws in a breath. “This heart is Master Cain’s!”
His shout races along the tunnel before him. He wonders if the Mage is listening. He does not care.
He does not need to steel himself as he walks the rest of the way. He does not need to stop himself from feeling to fight his doubts and fears.
The cavern opens up before Joshua even realizes he has made it to the end.
The three gatekeepers stand before him in a row, blocking the cavern exit. Abel, Gray, and Master Ruth gaze at him with impassive expressions, sunlight streaming in from behind them.
They do not speak, not this time. Instead, Master Ruth steps forward and produces a silver heart. Joshua keeps still as it flies to him, enveloping him with a sensation of power he knows all too well. All at once, he is himself once more, but he does not dare turn it inward right away.
A sigh of relief escapes him before he can stop himself. The gatekeepers offer him amused looks.
They step aside for him, so Joshua obliges them. He walks forward still, only to stop before Master Ruth. He looks up at this imposing figure. The visage of the father of the heart he holds in his hands.
“Are you merely a specter, or…are you truly Master Ruth?”
Master Ruth just laughs in reply. Joshua shakes his head. Perhaps this specter is whatever he chooses to believe.
And with that out of the way, he takes, with Cain’s heart still in his hands, the last few steps out of hell and back into the world of the living.
Joshua thinks of his mother as he blinks against the light. He is overdue for a visit to his childhood home, and she would, perhaps, enjoy the story he has to tell after visiting the Heart of the World.
”…Joshua?”
His breath catches and he feels his heart leap in his chest. It takes another moment for his vision to fully clear.
Cain stands before him, wrapped in a silken white shroud.
“I was dreaming something terrible…Did you save me?” he asks, and his voice does not resemble the harsh screaming or the manic demands and laughter from his final moments. It is a gentle, inquisitive voice that Joshua has so longed to hear again.
He falls to his knees before Cain, unable to contain himself or the tears coming to his eyes. How long has he waited for this moment? How long? He drinks in the sight of him made flesh once again. This is the man he loves. This is the man he has followed to battle, and now, to hell and back.
“Master Cain…” Joshua looks up at him. He smiles. “Yes, I believe I have.”
- Back to: Home and Heart